July 31, 2009
There's some ugliness brewing in Hollywood and it looks like it's only gonna get uglier. The center of the storm is Seth Rogen and his films. You know Seth -- he's the guy who got it on onscreen with Katherine Heigl in "Knocked Up" and Elizabeth Banks in "Zack and Miri Make a Porno." In both those vehicles, Rogen plays the schlub who manages to get a goddess to descend from Mount Olympus and not only sleep with him, but stay with him. His Everyman smokes weed, is unemployed, and probably answers when asked if he works out, "What is this 'work out' of which you speak?"
The guy behind the HBO series "Entourage," Doug Ellin, doesn't think much of Rogen's films. In a recent episode, the characters on his show spent some time talking about, and dissing, Rogen and his looks. They not only said the idea that a guy who looks like him could ever get with a hot chica like Heigl was ridiculous, they used the U word. They called Seth Rogen Ugly. Rogen fired back by telling an entertainment reporter that he thinks Ellin is a moron, and that he has never and will never watch "Entourage."
To be honest, I thought "Knocked Up" was pretty funny. And completely plausible. People do stupid things, we know that. Add a sizeable quantity of alcohol and, well, ever heard of beer goggles? The only problem with Rogen's movies is everyone is missing the funniest part. It's the part where Rogen tells women that Cary Grant really is dead.
So What's Love Got To Do With Being Seth Rogen?
Seth Rogen is the very antithesis of Cary Grant - the Anti- Cary Grant, if you will -- which is pretty ironic considering he was featured in a Vanity Fair photo spread that has him recreating the iconic shot of Grant running from an airplane in North by Northwest. When I say the ACG, I mean exactly that. A Rogen character not only doesn't dress, move, speak, or comport himself with Grant's panache, he makes sure that the females he comes in contact with know that they should be ashamed of themselves for thinking their Prince Charmings would look any different than he does. He's a natural man, no manscaping or metrosexualizing for this guy. What you see is what you get. But as the girl in a Rogen equation, you better be on your best game, lest you become the She Used To Beast.
There's a couple in every crowd that defies explanation. She's a good-looking girl, has it together, pays her own bills. Along comes a guy who's not her usual cup of tea. She tries to change the guy, because that's what girls do, starts getting a little complacent, maybe puts on a few pounds, gets a little naggy, because that's what girls do. Next thing you know, our couple runs into his friends whom he hasn't seen for a while, because that's what girls do, and the SUTB comes out. Everyone says 'hi' and maybe they do the awkward should-I-extend-my-hand-oops-you're-leaning-in-for-an-air-kiss dance, but when our couple is out of earshot, the friends begin rehashing the sighting of the SUTB.
"She used to be so hot."
"She used to be so nice."
"No way she's good enough for him. She used to be, though."
Mismatched movie couples have been around since the silents. "Casablanca" is my favorite movie of all time, but, let's be honest -- if Bogey was walking down the street, most women would think, 'accountant', not 'romantic lead', but at least he tried. He dressed well, spoke well, moved well, and made a woman feel like he was doing it all for her. Very powerful stuff, and way more likely to get you some action. Rogen and the ACG's are not only killing off the kind of guy Cary Grant and Humphrey Bogart were but the kind of guys who aspired to be like them, and, in turn, the expectations of women who want guys to be Grant-like. But the insidious part of the ACG's plan is that they are also telling women that we need to look like Katherine Heigl and be content with the ACG mentality because if we don't, we'll be labeled SUTBs by a bunch of guys who look like they have not had the pleasure of meeting a bar of soap.
My best advice for girls who find themselves dating an ACG? Make him watch a Cary Grant marathon and hope it takes.
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Patricia Martinez is the co-host of the Mike in the Morning Show on 93.1 KISS FM. If you are looking for some love advice from Patricia, or want to raise an issue, please send an email to info@epmediagroup.com with "Love" in the subject line. Click here for the WLGTDw/it archives.