I hate Tony Romo. Dallas Cowboys fans around the world are heaving a sigh of relief and taking a break from sharpening the claws they've been sinking into poor Jessica Simpson for the past two disastrous seasons ever since news of Tony dumping poor Jessica the day before her birthday broke. A palpable sense of anticipation for the upcoming football season began to pervade man caves everywhere. Villagers took to the streets and rejoiced because, at last, their beloved 'Boys might have a fighting chance to return to gridiron glory. Fatted calves were killed - keep your jokes about Jessica's pre-I'm-Back-To-Working-Out calves to yourselves - kegs were tapped, and banners proclaiming the end of Yoko Romo were unfurled. I mean, really, what is the matter with you people?
Most of the guys I've talked to say they can totally understand the reason why Tony finally threw Jessica over. Sure she's a hot blonde, successful, and obviously willing to go to a football game, but let's be realistic, a guy friend of mine told me, this is Tony Romo we're talking about. Highly paid football player, good lookin' dude, single, young. What was he doing messing around with a long term relationship? He should have been out there chasing a little tail! Hanging out with one chick while he is the hottest thing on the field had everyone scratching their heads. The only stable Tony should have concerned himself with, I've been told, is the stable of hotties he should have been dating. He did manage to redeem himself, in the eyes of other non-Jessica Simpson appreciating jerks like himself, by making out publicly with a hot cougar actress within a couple of days of the infamous day-before-Jessica's-birthday-dumping.
I think I speak for all womankind when I say, Tony Romo is a poopyhead. I mean, Jessica was a great girlfriend to Tony! She showed up to games and even seemed to like being there. I've seen Jessica's movies - I think we can all agree that Meryl Streep has nothing to worry about, but for my money, she deserves an Oscar for going to a game and managing to look like she was having fun. I went to a Cowboys game last year with Darren, his sister and her husband, and I made it through the first semester, or inning, or whatever those periods of play are called, before I gave up and left everyone baking in the Dallas heat in Texas Stadium. His sister joined me about 10 minutes later and we spent the rest of the time wishing there was a mall nearby. So I think it is patently unfair that Jess got slammed for wearing what I thought was the cutest pink jersey ever to one of her boyfriend's games. I also think it was unfair that Jessica got blamed for that ill-fated trip to Mexico last year. Tony knew he was supposed to be focused on his game. Why is it always the girls fault when the guy messes up?
I think Cowboys fans just misunderstood Jess. She wanted to hang out with Tony, spend time with her fella, cuddle on a beach in Mexico in the middle of the football season, take him to Thanksgiving with her family, have her dad give him football tips, take him to her sister's wedding and point out all the pretty decorations, give interviews about how in love she was with him and how he showed her what true love really is, give more interviews about how Tony was perfectly okay with her weight gain and loved her mom jeans, give even more interviews about how she was ready for marriage again now that Tony had shown her what true love really is, give another round of interviews about wanting to get married because Tony had shown her what true love really is, and finally give interviews about how she was hoping for an engagement ring for Christmas because you-know-who had shown her what true love really is. Ok, no ring for Christmas, how 'bout New Year's? No ring for New Year's?! Do not even let the sun set on Valentine's Day, Mr. I-Can't-Manage-A-Girlfriend-And-A-Professional-Football-Career-At-The-Same-Time! No Ring For Valentine's Day?!@!&*#? Then you, Mr. Tony Romo, Mr. ICMAGAAPFCATST, are going to be at My Ken And Barbie Themed Birthday Party, and guess who you're going to be?
Uh oh.
So What's Love Got To Do With Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson?
I don't know what kind of relationship Tony and Jessica had, but I think most of us know a gal like Jessica. She is the perfect girlfriend, the kind who makes her guy's favorite foods, is at all his work and extracurricular events, shops for his family's special days - you get the picture. Not that there's anything wrong with that, except when the guy isn't ready for that kind of relationship, and Tony never seemed to be ready for Jessica. He never really seemed to be ready for the girl who has probably been planning her Storybook-Romance-Fairytale-Wedding-Happily-Ever-After since she was 5 years old, and then again after her first SRFWHEA tanked so badly. Tony seems like a nice guy and Jessica seems like a nice girl, but they are a cautionary tale. Jessica should probably not renew her subscription to Bride's World magazine as soon as her next relationship hits the six month mark, and Tony should never, ever break up with another girl the day before her birthday again. That'll leave a mark that the next guy will have to deal with and that's just bad karma. I mean, February 7th really isn't that far away, ya know what I'm sayin' Tony?
I'm just sayin'.
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Patricia Martinez is the co-host of the Mike in the Morning Show on 93.1 KISS FM. If you are looking for some love advice from Patricia, or want to raise an issue, please send an email to info@epmediagroup.com with "Love" in the subject line. Click here for the WLGTDw/it archives.
