April 24, 2009
There's nothing that will kill a nap faster than hearing your man say, "I'm okay. I've been arrested."
Yeah, that's how my week started, how 'bout yours?
You probably know by now that my fiance, Darren Hunt, was detained by police while covering a story Monday afternoon. The facts of the incident, the blog entries, the endless chatter from all quarters is not something I'm going to discuss. There is an ongoing investigation, and, well, you know the rest.
So What's Love Got To Do With Your Man Getting Arrested? Well, a whole bunch.
Getting the I'm-okay-I've-been-arrested phone call in the middle of the afternoon is bad enough. But when you add being in the media into the mix, all the sudden you have a huge, boiling cauldron of speculation and innuendo. Stuff the whole thing into the internet, Twitter, and CNN punditry pressure cooker, and you can expect speculation and innuendo to be dripping from the kitchen ceiling in no time. And let me tell you, that stuff is hell on paint.
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm all for technology and free speech. That's how I make my living. Every morning I get in front of a microphone and give my views on what's going on in the world, I snark a little at celebrities and their foibles, discuss other people's lives. Basically, I do what is now being done to me and Darren. Do I like it? Of course not. No one wants to be stuck between two slides and examined under a microscope. But if you choose a career in the media, you know the risks. There have been many media personalities in this city who have undergone a similar trial by pressure cooker. I won't mention them by name. You have a computer in front of you -- Google it.
The funny thing is what this kind of incident does to your relationship. I worked with another media personality when they were under intense scrutiny after a very public incident, and it caused all kinds of hell and discontent in that person's relationship. Tanked it, actually. The MP felt like they weren't getting the kind of back up they deserved. The MP's significant other felt like all the effort they were putting into supporting the MP was not appreciated. The MP and SO started sniping at each other, first in private, then droplets of snipe began dripping over the rim of their relationship in front of friends and co-workers, and the next thing you knew, the pressure cooker blew. Snipe everywhere. As they moved on with their lives, the dirty laundry generated by the clean-up process was aired for everyone to see. But don't think that that kind of thing only happens to media people. Nobody's kitchen is immune, because nobody knows when someone is going to clamp the lid on the pressure cooker of their lives.
So how do you keep your relationship from going kabloowie when the heat is on?
I think the important thing to remember is that in every relationship, there are two cooks in the kitchen. Sometimes, you're the head cook and sometimes, you're the sous chef. The head cook makes all the decisions about the menu and preparation of the meal, and they get all the glory. But if everyone's not completely happy with the meal, they take all heat as well. Sometimes, you're the sous chef. No decision making, just support for the head chef. Toque to keep speculation, innuendo, and snipe from getting in their hair? Check. Plenty of utensils to stir simmering ingredients and keep them from sticking? Check. A tall glass of cold water to slake the thirst of the hard working head chef? Check. A kind word when not every diner is happy? Absolutely. It's not easy being a sous chef, but in a happy kitchen, everyone gets the chance to wear the toque. Just make sure you check for snipe.
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Patricia Martinez is the co-host of the Mike in the Morning Show on 93.1 KISS FM. If you are looking for some love advice from Patricia, please send an email to info@epmediagroup.com with "Love" in the subject line. For the WLGTDw/it archives, please check here.