July 19, 2007

Jaime O. Perez
Chief of Staff to the El Paso County Judge
500 E. San Antonio Suite 301
El Paso, Texas

Re: Revelations

Dear Mr. Perez,

I recently caught the sudden burst of media that surrounded your selection as the new Chief of Staff to Judge Anthony Cobos. I was initially very happy for you, but after reading the articles all the way through I realized you knew more than you were ever supposed to know.

The quote that got me was, “I will continue to write and expose what I see as the Bush Administration’s lynching of the County Judge and other commissioners.”

I submit to you that I myself have been deeply involved with “the Bush Administration's lynching of the County Judge and other commissioners.” I can also tell you that the Commissioners’ Court wasn’t the main target, it was all elected Democrats in El Paso. It just so happened that it was the county government we got to first.

Please let me explain what happened.

My involvement goes back to a series of secret meetings that I had with Karl Rove, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and a spirit medium who channeled Richard Nixon. We’d meet at Ellen Fitchburg’s house in Falls Church, Virginia under the guise of playing Bunco in a weekly tournament. (Mrs. Fitchburg made an outstanding homemade pound cake; Rush and Karl often fought over it.)

At the time of those meetings I lived in Arlington, Virginia with another political operative who Karl Rove assigned as my fiancée. Her name was Jessica. In an odd twist we fell in love and are now married, which only helped us fall further into our undercover roles. We both worked sham political jobs in Washington arranged by Rove’s secret spy agency called the “Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy.” (You don’t really think Hillary made that up all by herself do you?)

Once we slid into our roles we were to wait around Washington until we were to be called into action.

It should be noted that my then fiancée was nearly cut out of the mission when she was caught leaving a Congressman’s house in Louisiana through a window. She had freezer burned hands and a sack that authorities indicated was commonly used to carry allotments of around $100,000 at the different Federal Reserve banks. Good thing our network had the sheriff in their pocket and she was let go.

I was handpicked for my role in this plot to overthrow the Democratic party of El Paso because of my roots in the community. The plan was simple. Set up popular Democrats by any means necessary to initiate a revolt of the 100+ voters in El Paso County. Once we convinced voters that all the Democrats were corrupt, Republicans would then be elected. Once in power the Republicans would scrub the voter rolls to ensure future Republican victories. Bush and Rove saw having a border city like El Paso as a stronghold for Republicans as something that would turn the tide with Hispanics around the country thus setting them up to elect Bush’s brother, Jeb Bush in 2008. The code name of the effort was “Operation Chico’s Tacos.”

My job was to get a gig writing in a publication so I could relay coded messages to other members of the “Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy” in town without having to make direct contact with them. My wife took a position as Republican Dee Margo’s campaign manager so that she could also send out coded messages through campaign materials. We received our direction from signals embedded in American Idol broadcasts. (Yes, Rove also controls who wins and loses on American Idol.)

I pursued a radio show when I found that Sito Negron was editing my columns so extensively that it would garble the coded messages. In fact, one garbled message was directed to our operatives at the Central Appraisal District (CAD) and due to Negron’s editing they were instructed to “exponentially increase property appraisals,” instead of exponentially decreasing them. If you are unhappy with your property appraisal blame Negron’s picky editing for it.

My wife subsequently left the campaign and was reassigned to do agent recruiting inside the Junior League of El Paso. She still holds that assignment to this day.

Ketner was working directly for Rove and Limbaugh. As you know he spent years working his way into a position that would allow him to set these guys up. The initial plan was to create a sex scandal, but Limbaugh didn’t think we could succeed seeing as our only available female agent was Ann Coulter. The signal went out for Ketner to start a bribery scheme.

We put much work into this. Access Health is an empty building with a phone that rings in a little office two blocks from the White House. Calls are answered by a woman who answers all the calls for the “Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy’s” sham companies.

We rigged certain elections so that our “plants” could be in positions to incriminate others. It’s not hard to rig elections where nine people vote.

To make a long story short we were recruiting “coconspirators” like crazy while I ran interference on the radio. Ketner was wired and had perfect audio of everything given that he set it all up to stick like glue in court. Our work penetrated down to the school board level and the powers that be (Rove) were happy.

As you know Ketner took his dive and after a fake booking photo he was off to a Caribbean Island to be debriefed by Hannity and the channeled spirit of Richard Nixon.

Things were good for us as Republicans. Bush’s war in Iraq was taking attention away from the fact that he was secretly toying with the real estate market in order to dilute congressional districts that leaned Democratic. Our plan to take over a border city was tracking right along and then you had to go and tell what you knew. Somehow you figured us out. I have to hand it to you, sir – well played.

I feared we’d be found out from the beginning. When I saw your quote I knew we’d be had and it was only a matter of time. We were bested by the Democrats once again. You should pat yourself on the back Mr. Perez! On your first day of work you exposed a major underground plot to lynch the County Judge and commissioners.

I suspect the FBI will be raiding my humble abode any day now and the President will surely face Impeachment proceedings in the near future.

You brought down an empire and now you’re tasked with building your own.

Good luck, sailor. It’s a tough world out there and the truth is often hard to find.

Love,

David Karlsruher
Agent #239024 of the Right Wing Conspiracy (retired)